Better the nurse than the hearse

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I’m sat on Saltburn station waiting for the train to arrive when an old bloke sits down next to me. He points across the platform to a family, barely pausing for breath, he gives out the following rant..

They think they’re toys, don’t they know where family planning is? bleach on dogs, peroxide kills! he should shave his legs..poseur, maggots (spits) shows the game is tender. Better the nurse than the hearse, if monkeys could cook…he used to shoot pigeons, had a keg of beer in the kitchen and they say I’ve got mental health problems. Ewes will squash a dog you know what I mean? They killed an old man on the tube, all wrapped in cotton wool. The money is in the waste.. that’s what Heinz used to say. He had a bulldog, country-type. Why don’t they stop the train?..People should come first. They don’t see the washing up do they? Smoking & drinking..that’s when the trouble starts, I used to smoke, I ended up in London he he. Nip the ankles..that’s what they do.

The train arrives, he walks away